Feeling a bit of a…

Okay, so Max was round last night. He had done his usual thing – gone out and bought Dead or Alive 4 on budget for the Xbox 360. Nothing unusual there, apart from the fact that Max does not own a 360. He has a 360 gamepad, and 2 games. But no 360. He is of the PS3 camp, usually natural enemies of me. He buys them purely to bring round and play on my system. This is quite normal for Max, and not the first time he had done it. But I digress…

Now, DOA4 is nothing new. It has been out for a while, and I have not purchased it. I am still a big fan of beat’em ups, but there are those that I have avoided, usually on principle. I don’t like Tekken. Never have, never will. I have never been a big fan of DOA4, because I think that the gameplay is fatally flawed, and the AI that the programmers have sadistically implemented is neither fair, or logical. Now there are games that defy logic. Usually with things like Nitrous Oxide refilling itself, or suspension that does not break even after the car has dropped over two hundred feet from the road. Or the ability to withstand an entire clip of machine gun ammo, and still being able to sprint and fist-fight. Throwing fireballs from bare hands and so on. But when the computer can repel your attack with a counter, and then unleash a nine-hit combo with a multi-throw tacked onto the end, that is enough to make me have to retrieve the gamepad from a smashed TV screen. But I digress again…

I have never really liked DOA, unless I am playing against another player. Another player of comparable ability. Like Max. Max, in turn, likes being the female characters. He likes being the female characters in any game, but he particularly likes DOA because he can turn the ‘Boob-Slider’ right up to 99 and get very distracted. He also likes purple hair. This might also explain why I am married and he is not.

We were playing away, making various grunting noises and light hearted bad language whenever a counter actually worked when the wife walked in.

‘What is wrong with the women’s tits?’ She asked.
I stopped to consider my answer, while Max simply burst into hysterical (if somewhat embarrassed) laughter.
‘It is Max’s preference’ I replied, carefully.
‘Well I don’t think it’s fair,’ she responded. ‘If that is the case with the girls, then why don’t the men’s lunchboxes jiggle too?’

She left. Max and I looked at each other, with a small look of thought, and a large expression of disgust on our faces. Why on Earth would we want to see that in a game? Would girls even buy a game where the male protagonist’s genitalia animated as much as the females? Would that not make it a very viable target during the fracas?

I have never really thought that this could be a concern. Okay, normally it is a funny addition, and we all know that sex sells. But I didn’t really consider that this sort of game would even appeal to the lady folk.

Ever since then, my wife has found it amusing to try to emulate the jiggling every time the game is mentioned. Which of course, is a tremendous plus-point for me. J

Oh my God. I used a smiley in my post. That is very worrying.

- Galford

A Moment of Silence, Pray…

Recently, we lost a friend. A good friend. A friend of many years. A friend that has had a fond mention within the hallowed sanctum that is BucketMonkey more than once.

That friend was Weston Super Mare Pier.

Now, for those of you who frequent BBC news, or have been anywhere near there recently will have known about this for some time. But for everyone else, Weston Pier was severely ravaged by fire recently.

I am writing about it now because I paid Weston a visit a few days ago to see the horror for myself. As I stood there, I felt like I was standing beside someone flat-lining in a hospital bed. It was heart-breaking.

The Pier was just over 100 years old, and had seen many big development projects over the years. Apparently, it was meant to be a landing port for steamers, but due to choppy tides, it was converted into a full entertainment venue instead. Stretching 2,000 metres out into the sea, it had everything from a big kid’s fun house to a ferris wheel housed within.

But, enough of all that crap. It was also the home to many, many a classic and modern arcade game. I spent a lot of my youth there, sometimes frequenting it’s heavenly eden every weekend… Not a bad feat considering I live over an hour’s drive away and… couldn’t drive. Therefore, due to my complete and utter hatred for public transport, my unbelievably tolerant parents spent a lot of time there too. Weston Pier quite often had the latest games on there – it was the location where I played such games as Final Fight, Daytona USA, Ridge Racer, StreetFighter 2, Tekken and Virtua Fighter for the first time. It was also the place to go where you could find classic old games such as Operation Thunderbolt and Commando tucked away in hitherto forgotten corners with trademark flakey controllers and phosphor-burned screens. One of the few places that had not succumbed to the rob-them-completely-blind concept that is ticket redemption games. Bliss.

But now all that has gone. I have heard that there are already plans to resurrect this portal to the past, present and future – but I doubt that it will ever be as awe-inspiring as it once was.

A two minute’s silence for the loss of an icon for many a generation. Long live WSMP!
- Galford