Feeling a bit of a…

Okay, so Max was round last night. He had done his usual thing – gone out and bought Dead or Alive 4 on budget for the Xbox 360. Nothing unusual there, apart from the fact that Max does not own a 360. He has a 360 gamepad, and 2 games. But no 360. He is of the PS3 camp, usually natural enemies of me. He buys them purely to bring round and play on my system. This is quite normal for Max, and not the first time he had done it. But I digress…

Now, DOA4 is nothing new. It has been out for a while, and I have not purchased it. I am still a big fan of beat’em ups, but there are those that I have avoided, usually on principle. I don’t like Tekken. Never have, never will. I have never been a big fan of DOA4, because I think that the gameplay is fatally flawed, and the AI that the programmers have sadistically implemented is neither fair, or logical. Now there are games that defy logic. Usually with things like Nitrous Oxide refilling itself, or suspension that does not break even after the car has dropped over two hundred feet from the road. Or the ability to withstand an entire clip of machine gun ammo, and still being able to sprint and fist-fight. Throwing fireballs from bare hands and so on. But when the computer can repel your attack with a counter, and then unleash a nine-hit combo with a multi-throw tacked onto the end, that is enough to make me have to retrieve the gamepad from a smashed TV screen. But I digress again…

I have never really liked DOA, unless I am playing against another player. Another player of comparable ability. Like Max. Max, in turn, likes being the female characters. He likes being the female characters in any game, but he particularly likes DOA because he can turn the ‘Boob-Slider’ right up to 99 and get very distracted. He also likes purple hair. This might also explain why I am married and he is not.

We were playing away, making various grunting noises and light hearted bad language whenever a counter actually worked when the wife walked in.

‘What is wrong with the women’s tits?’ She asked.
I stopped to consider my answer, while Max simply burst into hysterical (if somewhat embarrassed) laughter.
‘It is Max’s preference’ I replied, carefully.
‘Well I don’t think it’s fair,’ she responded. ‘If that is the case with the girls, then why don’t the men’s lunchboxes jiggle too?’

She left. Max and I looked at each other, with a small look of thought, and a large expression of disgust on our faces. Why on Earth would we want to see that in a game? Would girls even buy a game where the male protagonist’s genitalia animated as much as the females? Would that not make it a very viable target during the fracas?

I have never really thought that this could be a concern. Okay, normally it is a funny addition, and we all know that sex sells. But I didn’t really consider that this sort of game would even appeal to the lady folk.

Ever since then, my wife has found it amusing to try to emulate the jiggling every time the game is mentioned. Which of course, is a tremendous plus-point for me. J

Oh my God. I used a smiley in my post. That is very worrying.

- Galford

Make a deal with the Devil, or buy Games from GOD?

Okay, so there’s nothing wrong with buying something online. Virtual shops are all well and good. However, I am not very convinced when it comes to buying virtual products. I have never, and will never purchase music through Itunes. Apart from the obvious total and utter hatred and contempt for Apple, I much prefer to have a physical copy of the artifacts that I own.

This for me then, is where Microsoft’s Games On Demand falls on it’s face.

Yes, it’s all well and good being able to buy games usually only available off the shelf online, and download it straight to your 360, but why? They say that it takes a few hours for the four to six gig games to arrive. In that time, I could’ve popped down to Gamestation, or CEX and… bought it. Wait just a few hours longer, and Amazon will deliver it to my door. Also, I have a 60Gb Xbox premium edition. That means 10 games, and my hard disk is full. If I wanted to have more games, I would have to go into a shop, and purchase a bigger hard disk. Or, I could… you know… buy the games instead. What a waste of time!

Not only this, but at time of writing all the games available through GOD (lord help me!) are all £19.99. Burnout Paradise is available second-hand from CEX for £15, less than 100 yards from where I work! Yes, I know it’s used, but it’s still a physical copy of the game – more than you get from GOD…

This system is in its infancy. Thankfully. Because at the moment, it is fatally flawed. If the games were being sold for like £5, seeing as there is no manufacturing process required, I would be much more interested. As it stands, right now I am still happy to stretch my legs and get the wife to go buy me my next game.

Thanks Darling. Love you!

- Galford.

Xbox 360 Obtained – Achievement 10G…

Okay, so I haven’t posted for a long time. This is because… I finally have an Xbox 360!!! YOSHAAA!

I was able to scrape the money together, enough to purchase a next-gen console. I only have a handful of second-hand games for it at the moment, apart from one – Street Fighter 4. Oh yes. Mm mm Mmmm!

It’s funny though, because I often wondered if the 360 would live up to my expectations. Now, they have a Wii at work in the canteen room. From playing on it quite extensively, I knew that my original supposition about not wanting to own one was accurate. It’s novel, it’s different, but it’s stupid. Max has a PS3. I don’t want one of those on principle. The 360, on the other hand is every bit as good as I expected it to be. I was worried for a while that I was becoming an Xbox fanboy, but I don’t think that I would actually die for my console of choice. But I do believe that it has a significant edge over its competition.

I am, however putting off adding my credit card details for Marketplace purchases. It’s not that I don’t trust Microsoft’s security measures; it’s just that I don’t thrust my own. If I put the ability to pay for some of the content without even having to refer back to my credit card, I will be bankrupt by the end of the day. …What? What was that? Street Fighter HD is a third cheaper? For a limited time? Dammit!!

There is no doubt that the other reason I wanted a 360 has also lived up to its reputation. I love Street Fighter 4. But, this does bring me onto my next point…

Seth Ruins Street Fighter 4.

Oh my God. What a fucker. What a way to completely shit on the best game ever. It’s like ordering a chocolate ice cream sundae. It is sublime. Tasty beyond compare, smooth, cool, perfect; until you get to the big ball of dark chocolate at the bottom and discover that it is shit. Actual shit. Unfiltered, straight from the porcelain throne after a good curry shit.

Why sink that low when creating the best of the best? All of the other characters in the game are excellent. Perfectly developed, artistically spot-on and a joy to use. Even wierdos like Rufus are pick-up-and-play characters. But Seth feels like a reject from much lesser fighting games than this. His appearance is awful. His moves suck ass and his fighting style is utter bollocks. He is worse than Rugal, he is worse than Shao Khan. He even manages to make the end-game bosses in Dead or Alive seem well balanced. Trying to unlock Gouken, I was fighting his as Akuma, on very easy. Just wanted an easy run to simply get the job done. But no, after beating everyone else with little to no effort that blue motherfucker pulled out the most piss-poor moves and beat me. Akuma. Very easy. FUCK YOU! I’m not the best player in the world, but I’m better than average, as my online bout statistics show. But it’s like Capcom said ‘Well, we know you have spent years on the various Street Fighter games honing your skills, and we know you can complete SF2 and Alpha on the hardest setting, but fuck that. We are going to show you how shit you really are.’

Fuck Seth. He caused me to destroy one of my pads when I threw it at the wall in disgust. I play the game until I get to him, then I turn it off. I don’t need that.

Fucker.

- Galford.

Streetfighter 4… It’s a bit like Mystaria…

Okay, so it’s not. But that’s a tradition!

Zig graced my place of residence twice over the last week, I think that’s some kind of record… He brought round his Xbox 360 in the vague hope of persuading me to buy one. Suffice to say, he completely succeeded. We played games like Project Gotham 4, Flat Out, Virt-oh Sod it. We played Streetfighter 4. And more Streetfigher 4. And after that, we played some more Streetfighter 4. We did try playing some other games, but these very quickly became a five minute fantasy before returning to the pinnacle of all things fisticuff.

This is it. A complete return to my youth. Everything in my life has changed over the last 5 years. I got married, moved house, had kids. My parents moved house. Changed my job. Job changed premises. Changed my car. Everything I have come to know as constants have gone. Except for one. The existence of Streetfighter games and the chance for the two of us to sit down and have a night of challenge. It really is more addictive than anything else I can think of. When the fateful time came, and Zig had to head back home, I was really sad. I wanted it to continue. To prolong the experience. For years, preferably. It leaves me yearning for the next time.

I might actually get around to reviewing it at some point. But in the meantime…

I WILL get an Xbox 360!!

- Galford.

Bedroom Etiquette

Okay, so I have been bed-ridden since Monday, due to a terrible 'injury'. (I am not going into any further detail on this subject...) But I have had a revelation into the way that the modern workplace should be. It's like this - Sat up in bed, winter sunshine pouring in through the window, laptop on the lap as nature intended... PSP, DS and Giz next to me in case of sudden need of digital entertainment, Monte Carlo or Bust on the TV providing ambient distraction. Apart from the semi-consistent screaming and shouting from the kids downstairs, I think all offices should adopt this environment. I could really get used to this...

Right, well, games. Yes. Apart from the inclusion of Need for Speed: Pro Street on the PS2, I have been almost pathologically playing through the various Capcom, EA, Sega and SNK collections I have recently procured on the PSP. I really can endorse these collections, as friend of the Wife's (called Rich) showed me practically all of the games I have on his custom firmware PSP. Without the added advantage of better compatibility. I really hope that more collections from various software houses make an appearance on the handheld systems, as I can't get enough of them!

Oh yes, and I might get round to playing NFS:PS before long too...

- Galford