Just when you thought…

Okay, so when does the bad become good? When something even worse comes along afterwards…

I recently re-watched the Nostalgia Critic’s review of Streetfighter The Movie. He was, of course spot-on with his outlook of the whole shambles. However, after watching that, I thought I would watch the Streetfighter film once again. Just for old time’s sake. Yes, there was a time I thought it was good. I was not old enough to know better!

Every time I see it, I love drawing the same conclusion. I will dispense this revelation now.

So, the winners – who effectively ‘complete’ the film/game are: Guile, Chun Li, Cammy, Ken, Ryu, Zangief, E. Honda, T. Hawk, Balrog and Captain Sawada. Apart from the fact that Balrog should be on Bison’s side. And Zangief was on Bison’s side in the film. And Captain Sawada has never been in the fucking game. Streetfighter The Movie The Game doesn’t count.

I have never been able to complete any Streetfighter game currently available with that many people simultaneously. Well, technically I came close with Marvel Vs Capcom 2. But that one doesn’t count either.

Okay, so people that didn’t survive: Bison, Dhalsim, Blanka and Vega. Except for the fact that we aren’t actually sure if Vega is dead or not. But what can I say? Life sucks for you guys.

Finally, there are the people that survived the explosion, but didn’t win: Deejay and Sagat. Apart from the fact that Deejay should not have been on Bison’s team. Neither should he have been consumed with money. And Sagat – come on Wes, you should have more self respect than to take a job like this in the first place!

Oh and of course Fei Long. Who didn’t exist. Apparently.

Yes, this was a God-awful film. But then, Max managed to persuade me to see Streetfighter: The Legend of Chun Li.

No. no. NO. NOOO!!!! What’s going on? Just when I thought that it could not get any worse, it did! How could they actually manage to screw up the Streetfighter film franchise even further? THIS IS NOT STREETFIGHTER! For fuck’s sake. It’s only saving grace is that, if I don’t think of it as a Streetfighter film, and that the names are purely coincidental, I can just about get through it! Continuity? Canon? CHARACTERS?? What’s wrong with you people? No one even looks remotely like they should, Bison dies before the Streetfighter tournament has even fucking begun, and he doesn’t even wear a fucking fucking hat! Suddenly, Streetfighter The Movie looks really, really good. Mortal Kombat looks even better. Streetfighter the Animated Movie? In comparison, it’s absolute Oscar material!

- Galford.

Xbox 360 Obtained – Achievement 10G…

Okay, so I haven’t posted for a long time. This is because… I finally have an Xbox 360!!! YOSHAAA!

I was able to scrape the money together, enough to purchase a next-gen console. I only have a handful of second-hand games for it at the moment, apart from one – Street Fighter 4. Oh yes. Mm mm Mmmm!

It’s funny though, because I often wondered if the 360 would live up to my expectations. Now, they have a Wii at work in the canteen room. From playing on it quite extensively, I knew that my original supposition about not wanting to own one was accurate. It’s novel, it’s different, but it’s stupid. Max has a PS3. I don’t want one of those on principle. The 360, on the other hand is every bit as good as I expected it to be. I was worried for a while that I was becoming an Xbox fanboy, but I don’t think that I would actually die for my console of choice. But I do believe that it has a significant edge over its competition.

I am, however putting off adding my credit card details for Marketplace purchases. It’s not that I don’t trust Microsoft’s security measures; it’s just that I don’t thrust my own. If I put the ability to pay for some of the content without even having to refer back to my credit card, I will be bankrupt by the end of the day. …What? What was that? Street Fighter HD is a third cheaper? For a limited time? Dammit!!

There is no doubt that the other reason I wanted a 360 has also lived up to its reputation. I love Street Fighter 4. But, this does bring me onto my next point…

Seth Ruins Street Fighter 4.

Oh my God. What a fucker. What a way to completely shit on the best game ever. It’s like ordering a chocolate ice cream sundae. It is sublime. Tasty beyond compare, smooth, cool, perfect; until you get to the big ball of dark chocolate at the bottom and discover that it is shit. Actual shit. Unfiltered, straight from the porcelain throne after a good curry shit.

Why sink that low when creating the best of the best? All of the other characters in the game are excellent. Perfectly developed, artistically spot-on and a joy to use. Even wierdos like Rufus are pick-up-and-play characters. But Seth feels like a reject from much lesser fighting games than this. His appearance is awful. His moves suck ass and his fighting style is utter bollocks. He is worse than Rugal, he is worse than Shao Khan. He even manages to make the end-game bosses in Dead or Alive seem well balanced. Trying to unlock Gouken, I was fighting his as Akuma, on very easy. Just wanted an easy run to simply get the job done. But no, after beating everyone else with little to no effort that blue motherfucker pulled out the most piss-poor moves and beat me. Akuma. Very easy. FUCK YOU! I’m not the best player in the world, but I’m better than average, as my online bout statistics show. But it’s like Capcom said ‘Well, we know you have spent years on the various Street Fighter games honing your skills, and we know you can complete SF2 and Alpha on the hardest setting, but fuck that. We are going to show you how shit you really are.’

Fuck Seth. He caused me to destroy one of my pads when I threw it at the wall in disgust. I play the game until I get to him, then I turn it off. I don’t need that.

Fucker.

- Galford.